A Day in History

Hello All! It has been a very long time since my last post…no real excuse, just life happening. I hope to get back into the habit of posting, but today is a special occasion, but not for the reason you may initially think.

15 years ago today, our country was rocked to its core by a terrible tragedy and the events of that day still seem to shape and color our way of life in ever changing ways. Today I would like to share with you the opinions of one humble writer that may just give us all pause — at least take a moment to think. The opinions expressed may or may not agree with your own, but I ask that you read with an open mind and respond with a respectful post if you choose. As my own personal disclaimer: the humble writer is my son. Andy and I have always tried to teach Justin to be true to himself and have self confidence. Today I am proud to say that his post does just that. Thank you for taking time to read! I will hopefully be posting something from myself in the near future, but for now please enjoy (and think about) the following post from Justin Glover.

I copied and pasted this from his post with his permission. This is the post in its entirety.  Again — Thank you for your respectful attention.

Let’s see what’s next…Thanks for reading!

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Strap in, folks. This is a long one.
I’m going to start this post with a massive disclaimer. I recognize that on this day, fifteen years ago, nearly 3,000 people lost their lives in a series of terrorist attacks on the United States. It was a terrible event, and the surviving victims and their families, as well as those of the policemen and firefighters and EMTs who risked everything to help those who were suffering, are still living with the repercussions of that day. I want to say on the front end that this post is not directed at them, nor is it intended to offend them or those who know them. I admit that I cannot fully comprehend the true depth of loss they experienced that day and still experience even now, which is why I want to ensure that this post is not about those who were killed and injured, at least not directly. For that reason, allow me to restate: This post is in no way intended to attack or belittle the thousands who were killed or injured in the September 11, 2001 attacks, or the thousands upon thousands of others who witnessed the fallout from the attacks.
I also want to make it clear that this isn’t going to be a post trying to relate a wild conspiracy theory or anything of that sort. I’m as sick to death of the “Bush was in on it” and “jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” and “false flag” as you probably are. If you’re looking for someone to reinforce your beliefs in said conspiracy theories, or if you want someone who legitimately subscribes to those theories so that you can send them a strongly-worded invective open letter, I suggest you look elsewhere.
Now that that’s out of the way…
On this, the fifteenth anniversary of what is admittedly one of the darkest days of our nation’s history, I’m struggling to understand why we choose today of all days to put on a pedestal above all others.
I know that may anger or offend some of you, but I ask that you hear me out before you inevitably unfollow and/or unfriend me. I understand the concept of remembering the low points in one’s life, so that the high points can be held in greater contrast, making them even better; it’s my belief that this principle is in play here, to an extent. I also understand that the point of observing 9/11 is to remember the day when “everything changed,” and that it marked a turning point in our nation’s history. By no means am I saying it should be forgotten. Indeed, we can’t afford to forget it.
What I don’t get are the people who go around on this day insisting that the things that occurred that day several years ago should still be abundantly fresh in everyone’s mind, and that this day is the single most important day in our history. (Admittedly, I’m probably strawmanning a bit here, but some of the opinions I’ve seen both online and in real life aren’t that far off.) These are the people who treat today as an excuse to parade their citizenship as though it were a badge of honor or of superiority, despite being more than willing to attack and belittle the same country the rest of the year whenever they do something that these people don’t agree with. These are the people who insist that the day be treated as essentially a 12-hour moment of silence, followed by a 12-hour loop of patriotic songs.
The problems with this mindset are twofold. First, and perhaps more importantly, it only serves as a method for justifying the rule of nationalism over rationality. It was this day that justified the war against Afghanistan, then Iraq, then Afghanistan again, and now Syria, conflicts that have resulted in hundreds of thousands of casualties on all sides and a monetary price of $4-6 trillion (according to a 2013 Harvard study). And the end result of those wars? The deposition and execution of two central antagonists in the “War on Terror” (Hussein and bin Laden), and the upheaval of the balance of power in the Middle East. While the first part is at least somewhat noble, it does not justify the human or economic cost, nor does it entirely mitigate the issues caused by the latter consequence.
While I make no argument that bin Laden or Hussein deserved to live, I do make note that during this period, it seemed to me that anything our leaders and military did could be justified by pointing to the flag and saying, “They hit us first.” Even now, there is still a large subsection of the population who believes that we should return even more forces to the Middle East in order to spread our ideology and way of life in order to somehow fix the current problems with the Islamic State and the Syrian civil war. I’ve ranted about American exceptionalism several times before, but it’s precisely this mindset that got us involved in the Middle Eastern conflicts to begin with. The fact of the matter is, whether it’s your intention or not, by going around saying that America is the greatest nation on earth and always has been, you’re implicitly supporting this mindset. And this day in particular is a notable example for this because of its antecedents.
The other, and potentially even more far-reaching, problem I see with celebrating 9/11 as what it is is that it hinders the healing process. Tragedies happen on a daily basis, some more prominent and more harmful than others. But the reason it gets easier to deal with over time is that you eventually move on from it. You don’t forget it by any means, but you also don’t break into tears at the drop of a hat, either. Instead, you remember what happened, quietly acknowledge that it still hurts a little—because the hurt never really goes away—and continue moving on with your day. It’s hard to do at first, but eventually it normalizes. It becomes part of your life, just like anything else.
When my maternal grandmother died on April 23, 2009—almost seven and a half years ago–I was despondent. She’d moved in with us for the last few months of her life, and I was able to connect with her in a way I’d never really been able to before. I never did get to say goodbye that day; to this day I wish I had. It’s one of my biggest regrets. When the next year came, I hugged my mom (needless to say, she’s had it far worse than I did) and cried a little, because she was still on my mind. The next year after that, I thought of her sadly, wishing she were still here, and kept going. The next year after that, I thought about her for a moment and fondly remembered the times we’d spent together. And so on.
I never forgot about my granny, and I hope I never do. I simply recognized that yes, this happened, and it was sad, but there’s no reason to be sad anymore. I certainly wouldn’t like to be forcibly reminded of it by someone else, but there’s no sense treating it as though it happened yesterday. You have to keep moving forward. If you stop to pity yourself at every opportunity, you can never learn to let it go. There is a time for grief, as with anything else. But it should never consume you to the point of it being all you can think about, especially so far removed from the event.
Let’s say you’re walking down the street one day. Suddenly, a man pulls out a gun and shoots you in the chest for no reason. You go to the hospital, have surgery to remove the bullet, and eventually make a full recovery. Would you, from that point forward, go out every year on the anniversary of this happening, walk up to strangers, point to the wound, and say, “This is where I was shot on this day X years ago, isn’t that awful?” Or would you quietly try to adapt to being back in the rhythm of your everyday life? Or, in another example, what if you did want to move on, but the many eyewitnesses who were there and the news crew who just happened to be recording the whole thing reminded you of the incident every year on the anniversary of it happening? What then?
I know I’m comparing apples and oranges here, but I think it should be considered that this constant elevation of September 11 does nothing to help us move forward as a country. If we constantly look back to one day when we were at our lowest, we’re going to miss the future days when we’re at our highest. It’s good to grieve for something that legitimately hurt, and did still have a tangible effect on the nation a few years hence, but to make it such a priority after fifteen years speaks less to the “enduring American spirit” or whatever the propagandists might say, and more to the incessant need for America to be at the center of the global stage, for good or ill.
I hope this rant made sense to someone out there, assuming anyone even bothered to read the whole thing. I’m genuinely sorry if this post expresses views you don’t agree with; I’m more than willing to listen if I got facts wrong, or if I come across as fallacious. I simply feel that we as a nation ought to be above fishing for reassurance at this stage. Please let me know if I said anything that is fundamentally incorrect. If you want to offer a rebuttal, feel free to do that as well; I won’t guarantee that I’ll agree with what you have to say, but I can guarantee that I will at least pay heed to opposing viewpoints, as always.
Thanks for reading.

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Did I Really Just DO That?

I just did something that I always knew was coming, but as usual I kept telling myself that “there are years before that happens.” Well, I can’t say that anymore…I just wished my son a Happy 20th Birthday…I no longer have a teenager. Wow…just WOW… Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was holding him for the first time and promising him that we would always love him and that he could do anything he set his mind to accomplish. As much as things change over the years, the more they stay the same. I find myself still telling him this very thing. I look back over the years and I am amazed at how much he has grown and matured over time. Gone are the days of him putting a plastic bucket on his head and running into things, immediately cackling with laughter; gone are the days that he needs his Beary Bear to comfort him through the night. Gone are the days that he needs me to do everything for him. A lot of things have come and gone in 20 years. (yes, still letting that one sink in) A lot of good, and a lot of bad have happened to us. The one constant in all of this is the love I have for him and what he does/will do. He is an amazing young man who just happens to be my son! I know that there are many amazing young men out there, but I happen to know for a fact that mine is the absolute best! If you doubt me, check my Mom’s Prerogative and have no doubt. I am entitled to and I would dare say required to believe this!

Anyway, I digress. ( I can guarantee you NEVER thought I would do that.  LOL)  Today is a milestone for him, but also for me. He gets the wonder, excitement, fear and anxiety of leaving his teen years behind him and I…well, I get the fear, anxiety, wonder and excitement of him leaving his teen years behind him. While I know he is more than capable, there is (and always will be) a part of me that so strongly wants to be there to help. I guess my new mission is to fully trust that what I have done has been enough to get him a head start and even a heads up to what is coming. While I fully acknowledge that I made a LOT of mistakes, I also see that he is turning our pretty well and – inspire of my efforts – is more than OK.

Today is the first day of the rest of his life, but it is also the first day of the rest of MY life. Not only does he have to adjust to his new reality of adulthood and such — I have to adjust to him no longer being a teen. All I know is that no matter what comes, I will always be his Mom and he will ALWAYS be my baby boy. Somehow, someway we WILL make it through and the future is bright! How could it NOT be with a son like mine?  🙂

Let’s see what’s next…Thanks for reading!

The List

As the 5 year anniversary of my Mom’s passing approaches, my mind goes back to the months following that day. As many of you understand, the first year after the loss of a loved one is full of firsts — firsts days, first weeks, first months and so on. In the midst of this comes the first holidays, birthdays and anniversaries and no clearcut guidelines as to how to approach and deal with these events. Looking back, the first few months are a blur and I really don’t know just how I processed those first few months, especially that first Mothers’ Day — I just know I did. As the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays approached, I found it to be more difficult than I though it would be — you know what I mean. It had been several months and I was “supposed to” be getting on with my life and starting to heal, but that wasn’t the case. Because of this I knew that I would have to make a concerted effort to bring my focus back to where it needed to be. My Mom would not want me moping around feeling sorry for myself and missing out on the true purpose of these holidays, so I made a plan and, thankfully, I stuck to it. Sometime in October I made my mind up that on November 1st, I would start a list of things I am thankful for and post it to Facebook each and every day the month of November. Looking back, it really did allow me to search for things that were a positive in my life and there were many. I also chose to stop posting them after November 30th; that doesn’t mean that I stopped being thankful, it simply means that I make it a more private endeavor — and the things became more and more personal as Christmas approached, but the habit was in place. For that I am very thankful because I needed the focus for a while longer. For some reason, I kept that paper with my list — I guess it was a symbol of how strong I could be when necessary; then I lost track of that list, or so I thought…

While going through some papers the other day, that list reappeared and at that moment I remembered why I had put it in that place. It was one of those days that I needed a pick-me-up and I was not disappointed. In honor of April 23, 2009, I want to share this list with you. Please keep in mind that the list you are reading is a much condensed version of what I posted each day to Facebook in November of 2009, but I am still thankful for each and every one of them. I hope this list brings positive things to your mind.

I am thankful for:  You, yes you…God is… True Friends… Music… Family… Forgiveness… Freedom… Today… Military… Veterans & their Families… Inspired Writers… Justin… Change of Seasons… Laughter… Andy… Andy’s continued employment… Memories… Random Acts of Kindness… Conversation and Dialogue… Andy’s Contest Entry & win… Another Day… Time with Mom… In-laws… Joy… Thanksgiving… Relationships… Love… Anniversaries… Simple Pleasures…

When originally posted, I expanded on some of these a little, others a great deal and still others were simply left alone — it all depended upon how much I chose to share at  the time. At first sight of this list the other day a smile immediately came to my face and a lot of emotions followed — yes some sad, but mainly happy. While it is true I am a fairly private person, I needed to share this list 5 years ago, but I also need to share this now. Looking back, my list is in no way complete — it doesn’t even come close to covering all that came to my mind while I was doing it. This list helped me through a tough time, but more importantly, it taught me that I could and would make it through a very rough time in my life. I hope those of you that are going through something will be inspired to find your strength to persevere and push forward.

My Mom is no longer here with us, but her spirit, her memories and her energy will always be a part of my life. Was my relationship with my Mom perfect? Absolutely not, but there are plenty of good things and pleasant memories I have to keep her alive in my heart. Maybe one day I will write a blog on her, but we will have to see about that.

 

Let’s see what’s next…Thanks for reading!

Braver, Stronger and Smarter

When I was a little girl…just a couple of years ago…I absolutely LOVED a certain cartoon bear named Winnie the Pooh! That relationship still exists to this day — he is a special source of comfort and friendship for me. It is for this reason that I introduced my son to him from the very beginning; it just so happened that Disney decided that the world had been devoid of a full length movie about that lovable bear and his friends not long after his birth. Before the time “Pooh’s Grand Adventure” was available on tape, we were limited to a variety of short videos starring this “tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff.” From the very start, Justin was just as enthralled with him as I was; this of course was heavenly for me. There is one quote from that movie that still lives in our family. A. A. Milne had it right when he wrote: “Promise me you’ll always remember You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” To this day, those words have special meaning and touching memories tied to them for our family.

Isn’t that the epitome of what we, as parents, dream for our children — that they would be confident in themselves and their abilities? That they would be braver, stronger and smarter? Of course it is! Naturally, each child is different and one or more of those qualities will be more readily attained than the others. In addition to that, some kids are naturally more receptive to the encouraging we provide and even some of us, as parents, are a little lacking in the abilities to follow through with our ideal plan. Even with those limitations, we still hope and dream that our kids will achieve greater than we did and become the very best they can be and achieve lofty goals — because of, or inspire of, our own involvement.

Justin turned 19 yesterday and I wanted to write something on his Facebook wall for the world to see. As I sat there trying to come up with something particularly witty or sentimental, my mind kept drifting to the above quote; I quickly determined that this quote was exactly what I wanted to say and that I didn’t need to reword it or even try to catch the sentiment. I really needed him to hear — ok, read those words from me. Then the realization happened; at that moment I realized that I needed to say them. Not because I thought he had forgotten or that I was afraid he would not remember — I needed those words to flow between us because I just needed the connection. From his 13th birthday through his 17th, I was not able to celebrate his special day with him — it has always been put off for a day or 2…or 5 because of traveling with his youth group. They returned from the trip ON his 18th, so at least I saw him for a few hours of it. All of that was ok because I had the luxury of seeing him daily leading up to and following. This year is different; not only did I not get to see him ON his birthday, but I don’t get to see him daily any more. That is just how it works when college years attack. We are at the phase of his life that he is spreading his wings and learning to fly on his own. I guess in a very real sense I am doing the very same thing, but that is a good thing. (That is not the subject of this post, but it may come out in another — who knows?!)

The entire quote goes like this:  “Promise me you’ll always remember that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is,even if we are apart, I’ll always be with you.

As Justin has grown and matured through the years, this quote has always been a part of our lives — and I expect it always will be. We learned it well before he started school and repeated it as recently as yesterday — its message remains the same. To be honest, I expect him to be telling me this one day as he moves on with this adventure called life. When that day happens, I will have to remember that I am braver than I believe, and stronger than I seem, and smarter than I think. But the most important thing is, even when we are apart, you (Justin) will always be with me. 

Let’s see what’s next…Thanks for reading!